Second Star to the Write.

Part of a poem I wrote about my ex, who was abusing drugs.

Brand New

And i miss when we stood close,
Me in your warm embrace,
And there were slight tickles,
Of the stubble on your face.

I remember falling asleep on you,
And I felt so safe there.
I would stay in you arms forever,
Because I know you wouldn’t care.

Were not broken up,
But I do miss you.
Who you are is not what you’ve been.
Today is never to late to be brand new.

(Source: secondstartothewrite)

Having an Eating Disorder.

And every time I feel hunger pangs,
It’s like a feeling of empowerment.
Like I finally have control over something in my life.
Like my body is the one thing I can keep from falling apart.

Eating makes me upset,
And when I do I feel horrible about myself.
I feel like I have no self control.
So I punish myself.

After circling the toilet,
I stand up and look in my bathroom mirror.
My face is pale and I don’t look like myself,
Things are a bit multi colored because I’m quite dizzy,
But that’s okay.

I’m so used to being sick,
I’m so used to being confused.
Being healthy makes me sick.
But that’s okay.

It’s okay because I’m becoming skinny and in control.
It’s okay because it sucks to be the fat friend.
It’s okay because people will envy me.
It’s okay because I will be beautiful.

The truth is that I’m scared of losing completely everything.
The truth is that I feel that I don’t belong.
The truth is that I want to be please about myself for the first time since childhood.
The truth is I have an eating disorder.

(Source: secondstartothewrite)

Wonderment

I wonder if I can learn to walk away,
Even though I tried hard to make you stay.
I’m not one to give away my pride,
So I did not, and I feel regrets inside.
Regrets of being afraid to care for someone other than me,
Of expanding our love to all it could be.
Is it my fault that we entered a slow drift apart?
Or were we stricken from the start?
Many months ago when this relationship was new,
We were happy and I was in love with you.
You broke my once, twice, three times but you weren’t out.
I let you back in without a single doubt.
I was somewhat silly, but I thought you were forever mine.
But after all this time, I found some piece of mind.

(Source: secondstartothewrite)

Part of a song I’m in the middle of writing.

She needs to find herself,
Just not in someone else.
I wish she’s figure this out,
So she can stop this now.
So much better than this,
I hope one day it will hit
Her.

She lives her life like a masquerade,
I hope that one day she will be saved.
She need to find her true colors,
Because you can’t shine behind another. 

(Source: secondstartothewrite)